Deconstructed, Part 2

Ok, if you read the first part, this is kind of an interlude from the story in which I express my thoughts about what was really going on…

All this time, what I was really wanting was to get in touch with my heart and then LIVE from that place! At this particular point, it had not happened. No. Not even remotely. I had spent so many years living from my HEAD that I may have thought that I was living more from my heart but I really wasn’t. I was TRYING to, but failing miserably. What was really going on was this – I was still trying desperately to control everything about my environment. The business. My marriage. My family. Everything. When things didn’t go the way I wanted them to go, I got pissed off. I wanted what I wanted. I wasn’t living in the moment, allowing things to happen and dealing with them accordingly. I was trying to micromanage every little thing. It’s no wonder I was so unhappy. You just can’t do that. Ever. When you live from the heart, you deal with events on a very intimate level, but it’s genuine. Dealing from the head just relegates everything to some cerebral realm where events are categorized and filed. That’s what I was doing. I had a plan. That  plan called for certain things to happen at just the right times. When my plan was thwarted, I was frustrated and pissed off, which happened pretty often.

This is the context in which everything happened. Before I go on, I need you to understand that. Stay tuned…

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About glennjack

A pilgrim on a long journey. A son of God seeking the face of his Father. A father of 4. A writer, musician and overall deep thinker. A lover of the wild and untamed places. A seeker of truth, justice and peace. I am all of the above, and more.
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